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♥Gladys.15thFeb
♥18.NP,Information Technology
♥Dream-chaser
♥Into Korean
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Date: Sunday, January 03, 2010 Time: 1:38 AM
I thought I could hold back my tears, but I just could not. Probably I could never enter his world and understand how he actually feels inside Probably I was part of the mix of the hidden anger inside him, because of my selfishness. I can never understand and imagine the negativity and thoughts that are running through his mind he might have hated me from the start, or halfway through when I converted to become a Christian and yet still treated him badly/selfishly (or in other sense bullied him) Once in a while, when we quarreled, he will reveal bits and pieces of his hidden anger, but definitely there is more than it meets the eye. I really wished he did not mean what he said in those words of pique, because it is going to bring hurts, more than just to me, but also to the people who have loved him dearly. Probably the concept of love is just too abstract for him(or even me) to understand, but for sure today's first sermon of 2010 has definitely taught me that by making a one time off kind of prayer will surely not wake God up from His sleep to even think that I was serious about my prayer. I am not sure how long this journey is going to take for me to keep persisting till I see the promise comes to past, where my whole household will be saved. But definitely, I want to stay alive to see that day come to past rather than going up to heaven and realize that none of my loved ones are there with me. But I thank God for this quarrel because I got the BOLDNESS to tell him "Even if you are going to hate my religion and become an atheist because of me, then all the more I will pray till you become a Christian" and I ended with telling him "Probably there will be some people who are going to hate you, some who might hate you or some who will not hate you, but regardless, the most important thing is that Jesus died on the cross for you and God loves you more than you can ever imagine." Thank you Daddy, cause I know You're real and You live in me. With love, Gladys |